Bitter and Sweet.

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I absolutely hate getting older. Wiser, whatever you may call it, it's terrible. But beautiful at the same time. I don't worry about my soul you see, it's the pain of living without the ones who have gone on before that is so bitter.  The last 15 years have been rough. We have lived through our awful, head holding thirties with bated breath. Slid into 40 with unashamed abandon, wiser, more relaxed, somewhat. We have lost Fathers, Grandfathers, dear friends and special animals. Each pill a little harder to swallow, knowing there are many more to come. 

It's no secret that no one makes it out alive. What we have waiting on the other side is a Glory I cannot imagine.  The hard part is being here, becoming more attached to the ones we love. I know this all seems dreary and sad, I promise I have a little sunshine. You see, I have decided I will not harbor fear and dread for the future to come. I will enjoy the moment, the love as it happens and be the better for it. Choose to live now. Go on that trip, eat that cake for dessert. Squeeze the people you love a little harder and  linger a bit longer, whether they like it or not. 

To keep this from being overly sad, I will take you back to the post about my Precious Bitty, my baby doggie who could take away any bad day by just being in my arms. Her loss is hard. I look for her everyday and still cry a little when I think of her. I do miss her so. 

My sweet Mother had a family friend paint an absolutely beautiful picture of her for me and i will cherish it always. It makes me smile when I need her near. Life is funny that way, it gives us little glimpses through astounding memory that fill our hearts with joy. It gives us so much more than that too. Promises we are given through the Mercy of the Lord affords us a future in Heaven so vast and glorious there are no words to describe it, no music beautiful enough to portray it. 

Here in this life we are all passing through, the Lord is so good, we are given opportunities everyday to see His Mercies renew and remind us of His Goodness. Reminders of a love so perfect He has for us. The sweetest and best gift ever given, His Son.

Today I was reminded. Through the last 15 years, He has given me many glimpses. This is one on a small scale that is a bit easier to write today. Last year, we cleared some over growth and trees from a portion of our yard. We found a beautiful spot with some coveted shade trees. This summer we went to work, planting flowering shrubs we are not normally used to getting to have on our otherwise sunny acreage. A little over a month later, my sweet Bitty made her departure to the Rainbow Bridge.  I wanted her somewhere special. We laid her to rest among the newly planted flowers. Flowers so beautiful but that would be brightened my her even more beautiful memory there. Hydrangeas are my favorite and normally unable to have them, I planted a Hydrangea bush there. I laid her nearby. I have one hydrangea currently in the lone spot of shade next to my house. It bloomed this year for the first time in 3 years since planted. 

I drove by my Bitty this morning, like every other day and noticed a bloom on my hydrangea that is barely 3 months old. I got home tonight and went to cut the bloom. I cried all the way back up the hill. I looked to Heaven and thanked the Lord for his reminder. He has heard the anguish of my heart and grew a beautiful bloom to remind me of His love for me.

You see, He is everywhere. Even when we fail to acknowledge Him, he is here, loving us, anxiously awaiting our return. Find Him, see Him, all around you every day. He is there. He grew this little flower for me, but oh he has done so much more. 

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The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles.

Psalms 34:17